{almost} figuring it out

I sometimes feel like I'm still figuring out who I am.

maybe it's a life long process and I didn't realize it before

Sometimes I dream about living in a little cottage where I can have a garden, field, paint my walls a different color every month...allow my inner hippie to come out.

Then sometimes I want to live in the city where I can shop at MAC and Nordy's all the time and occasionally go dancing....

Maybe I want something in-between. A darling little house in the suburbs, with beautiful grass and trees, a garden with tomatoes, zucchini, carrots...and I can paint the walls every month if I want to (although, if you know me. I won't. I think of a project, start it and it is too big to finish. so maybe I'll paint once). And I'm go running with my twin baby stroller through the neighborhood.

I feel like I'm having an identity crisis. I'm loving school, but what do I want to do after? I DON'T KNOW! I want to have a baby(ies) soon, but part of me feels so cliche and something I never said I would do; having a baby right after I graduate. But by then I will be nearly 30, and my baby monitor is screaming!

I'm just me. not just as in JUST, but that's all I can be. Some days I'm a hippie, some days I'm girly and prissy. And everyday, I'm ME, no matter what.

I think I feel like I'm having a 27 year old midlife crisis. The husband and I do the same thing every day. We go to school, work, homework, if we're lucky enough to have dinner, together, homework, watch a tv show, go to bed...start all over again. We both are feeling tired. Tired of school, and ready for it to be over. And yet at the same time I want to cherish this time and enjoy it. Sounds like a double negative.

I have dreams of being at home with my {twin} babies, focusing only on them, holding both in my arms, blogging about them, taking pictures of them. Then I think, am I ok with being a full time mom? I want to be, but I guess I always told myself that was bad. Women are to have careers, be successful, have foundations....I guess I can do all of that still.

I guess I'm struggling with who I am as a feminist. I've learned all these new ideas, and I agree with a lot of them. Is it bad that I want my man to take care of me? That's so non-feminist.

like I said, {almost} figuring it out.

these are the things going through my head right now.
oh, and I'm obsessed with twins right now. I just have that feeling.

I'm grateful in my confusion.

I dream...

lately I've been dreaming a lot about:

after I graduate from school....will I go on to get a masters? In what? Do I really want to? IN WHAT?

when B graduates....then what? He's going to be a LAWYER. Like a real one. That doesn't seem real.

when we decide to have children. Will that ever come? Can I do it? All I read/hear about are sleepless nights, cranky babies, cranky mommies. Am I up for the challenge? Can I do it?

being a really good photographer. I don't want to be mediocre. I want to really be good and know what I'm doing instead of pretending.

photographing my children. See? there I go again with this baby stuff. I want a baby to photograph. There is a baby who lives below us. The parents are quite shy and rarely talk. Even if I talk to them. I can hear their baby voices and happy baby laughs all day long. I love it. I want to knock on their door and say "hi. I know you don't know me. but can I snuggle your baby for a bit and take pictures of her? Thanks!"

do I get a masters first or have a baby? if I have a baby will I get a masters? If I get a masters will I have a baby?

oh, and dreaming about the cruise we just booked for our 1st anniversary! I'm already planning the swimsuits and cute cover ups...

I think about all the wonderful things we're doing in our lives right now and I know we couldn't do them with a baby. I am really understanding that I was programmed that I have to have a baby right after I get married. Obviously, I don't like following the norm, hence where I am in my life right now. So for now, it's perfect that I don't have a baby right now. But that doesn't make me googoo gaagaa over them.

so for right now. I'm grateful for where I am in my life. Everything is perfect.

Top TEN in 2010

2010 was an amazing year for us.

Here are our Top 10 moments.

10.
Ben did amazing in school. He made Distinguished Honor Roll
(meaning he was in the top 10% of the whole school)
Julia started her first semester at SDSU and did great (4.0)

9.
Julia finished a "ton" of races. like 5. I didn't keep count, and probably should have, but I was proud with how many I did. And they were all spontaneous.



This is the longest one I did, and decided to do it the day before. My first 10k and it was seriously hot outside!

8.
I surprised Ben for his birthday with Disneyland tickets (that we got for free from volunteering, but he didn't know we got the tickets because we almost didn't...long story)


7.
We went to Ridgecrest, CA to see Ben's hometown and his mom and brother.
We had a great time hiking and chatting!


6.
I went to Champagne, Illinois with my Aunt Patricia. I got to see my dad's side of the family that I hardly know. It was so fun!!






5.
Christmas in New York.
When my friend Blake called to tell me he was leaving New York in 6 months to a year, I knew we had to jump on that invitation of staying with him. So we decided that would be our Christmas gift.

We had so much fun and tried to fit everything we could into the trip. The (32 degree) weather was perfect. We never got snowed on, and missed all the rain in California.


And in the same trip we went to DC to visit some friends.

4.
All the siblings together again for the first time in 3 years.
We had a lot of fun at Christmas telling stories.


3.
Changing our eating habits
and learning how to cook yummy vegetarian meals.


2.
Honeymoon in Mazatlan, MX!
We were truely blessed to have been given our honeymoon as a wedding gift
from a wonderful friend.
We had such a great time exploring the city, countless $13 massages, pool side drinks and meeting new people.



Number 1 thing of 2010:
our beautiful wedding!

We got married in the San Diego Harbor on a wonderful Sunday afternoon.
Our close friends and family joined us and everything was absolutely perfect!




And to close out 2010, on New Years Eve, we made our vision boards for 2011!

What Ben is creating:

What Julia is creating:


Our goals for 2011:
Ben: To network more with the law community
Julia: to do something new every month
and take a photo every Saturday.

I think I just had a mild heart attack...

So. There I am. Sitting HERE, at my desk. not doing my homework, home alone, browsing the internet, looking at blogs, surfing facebook, then clicking on my speech outline for Tuesday's group speech...back to facebook...

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN...

There was this LOUD noise outside my apartment. It sounded like a mixture between someone running/stomping right outside my apartment and someone banging along the entire outside wall of our apartment. and it was LONG. not like "oh someone just fell and tripped" but like a LONG run/stomp. like 7 seconds long. like there was an emergency, or someone was really trying to make my heart jump out of my throat. I felt personally attacked.

Was there an emergency? Were cops banging on someone's door? GEEZ!

So I run over to my door. As I'm looking out the peep hole, and slowly locking the door (because I didn't want THEM to hear me locking it). There is nothing. No doors open, no people, no movement. NOTHING. Then there is a loud noise again. Now I'm thinking there is a bad guy, against the wall where I can't see him, and he's going to jump out at me... the me behind the peep hole. But still no movement.

When I remembered to start breathing again, I sllowwllyy opened the door... look outside... and there is a CAT looking at me from the roof! It must have had a jumping fest over my head which caused me to nearly soil myself.

green smoothies

So I've been asked a few times about how I make my green smoothies. I was first introduced by my good friend Wendy who read a book called Green for Life. This lady's website is awesome! Her whole family is raw foodists, and she's done extensive research!(They even have a silly music video about eating raw). I totally got into green smoothies about 2 years ago started making them in my regular Oster blender, which worked great! Then I got the much coveted Vitamix as a wedding gift and it's changed my life in regards to green smoothies! (this website is also awesome and has videos that show you how to make different smoothies/soups)

Soo this is the base of how I make my smoothies and I just change up the ingredients. My measurements make 2 - 32oz cups.

This morning I started by cutting a fresh pineapple. I watched a video that said to use the core and all (when using a vitamix).

I always start my smoothies with the soft, fresh fruit on the bottom because they are softer and blender easier. (also learned from a video)

So I've put in 1/4 of the pineapple, banana (you can peal and freeze them too if they are ripening faster than being eaten) this one is fresh, and a whole avocado, pit included, not peal.

So here again, 1/4 of pineapple, banana and avocado, pit included.
I learned to put the entire pit in when I bought my vitamix from Costco. The lady giving the demonstration was a nutritionist and said an avocado pit is the only way to get Omega 9. So why not? And the vitamix can handle it and blends it smoothly.

Then I add my frozen fruit. I put in about 5-6 strawberries, and mango - probably 1/2 cup. I get my strawberries at costco for $8-$9. Awesome! It lasts about 2-3 weeks. The mangos, I get at Trader Joes. I sometimes use frozen pineapple instead of mango.


Then I add my greens. I get my spinach from Costco. It's $3! Amazing! As opposed to $4 for the handful I use in my smoothies. This bag will last about a week with our morning smoothies and daily salads for lunch.

My LARGE handful of spinach.

Today I used chard because I had it and it needed to be eaten. Normally, I use kale. Kale is soo awesome and the most nutritious green but it is bitter and tough to chew so I like it best in smoothies.

I add 2 cups of water at first, then add more as needed.


I got so excited and started blending! I forgot my carrot and cilantro! Cilantro is one of MY favorite things to put in a smoothie. It adds such a great flavor! mmmm

Here it all is! (minus carrot and cilantro)

Anddd.... I forgot the lime (peal included), and a sliver of ginger! Sooo good for you! Be sure to blend it well so you don't get ginger slices. (I don't love the flavor of ginger so I use a little bit, and make sure it's blended so I don't have to chew it)

Blending! Again, make sure you blend it long enough that the avocado pit and ginger are blended thoroughly. Here is where you would add ice if needed. I didn't in this smoothie and it would have benefited from it. The frozen fruit didn't make it cool enough.

Sorry a little blurry, but there are our smoothies in our D.I. cups. These are 32 oz and I read on http://www.greensmoothiegirl.com/ that you should have 32 oz a day of green smoothie!

Green Smoothie girl is in Utah I think and has classes. Her website is AWESOME! She has videos, facts, recipes, and a "cook" book you can buy (but I think her website is adequate enough)

And again, Green For Life has all the facts about the importance of greens in your diet, and also the importance of blending them so that all the nutrients can be absorbed. This book is on my Summer reading list!


One more tip I learned from the Costco lady is if your spinach is going bad, put it in your blender with a bit of water, blend and freeze. Then put the cubes in your smoothies. It worked beautifully!

I love green smothies and I feel fantastic when I eat them!

Healthy train

Sooo.... I'm kind of a health nut. Ben and I became vegetarians a little over a year ago and I love it. And in that transition I took on more vegetables (I say this because most vegetarians grasp for carbs). I've learned a whole new way to cook, I subscribed to an amazing magazine. www.vegetariantimes.com I love it. So much variety and with normal every day foods. Health train = me! I lost a bunch of weight, was working out every day, feeling GREAT about life! I felt skinny and beautiful on my wedding day...

and....

now...

ALL I WANT TO EAT IS CRAP!!

What is wrong with me? I know how to eat right. I know what is good for me and what makes me feel good. But all I want is In-n-out grilled cheese (God's gift, in case you're wondering), Diet Dr. Pepper, chips, cheese, cookies, ICE CREAM!! And then I feel like crap after. Sometimes I don't cave into the cravings, anddd.. sometimes I do. I feel like the caving into cravings happens more than not. And after I feel horrible. I get headaches, I beat myself up. I know it's all a mind game... so why do I do it?? Why do I cave when I KNOW it's going to make me feel horrible?

And have I mentioned I don't want to work out??

Is all of this happening because I'm in school and super busy? Um hello? No! You have to eat while you're in school and it's just as easy to eat healthy as it is to stop at in-n-out on the way home. I know I don't work out as often because of time. But time isn't an excuse to not eat healthy. I have class 3 times a week at 9am. So I committed to work out at 7am those mornings. I do it about 1x a week. Yeah... not so good at that.

Uh... So there is my rant.

I don't have the answers yet. Other than to just STOP eating crap. But I've already told myself that and then Halloween came and my neighbor brought over candy.

Soo... I take it one day at a time. I'm committing to eat healthy tomorrow and work out in the morning. Crap - it's Friday tomorrow. Friday is date night. Ugh... Maybe we'll go to Tender Greens.

My positive affirmations: I am healthy. I am skinny. My body is beautiful. I don't need to eat food that isn't good for my body. My hair is growing long and healthy.

to change the name or to not change the name?

It was always just "assumed" and taught that when a girl gets married to the man of her dreams, she changes her name. And as a little girl you dream of what your future last name will be. You would write your name next to the last name of your crush and oo and ahhh... Julia Oats. Awwww I really liked Joseph Oats in elementary school.

Now fast forward several years, and here I am, married to the man of my dreams (almost 3 months now) and I was soo excited to become Mrs. Lewis. and still am. I never really liked Morrow. I always was teased as a child. Called "moron" or "toooo - morrow, tomorrow, I love ya..." you get the idea. And then when my name is called in class - for some reason Morrow is super hard for people to pronounce, even though they say it 100x a day. "see ya tomorrow!" blach... anyway...so I never liked my last name and was so excited to change it.

Julia Lewis just sounds so great. It's easy. People know what it says and how to spell it. And if I do have to spell it, it just rolls off the tongue. Unlike Morrow, with the double R...and one always gets lost. and I have to say "You know, like tomorrow". I was blessed with a good married name.

And then I take a woman's studies class. And learn that all of my personal views are called "being a feminist". No, I'm not a raging, bra burning, crazy lady. I'm simply a feminist who believes in equal rights, female rights, gay rights...etc.

And the week after I legally change my name, we talk about if a woman should be "forced" to change her name when she gets married. How it is not socially acceptable if a woman doesn't change her name to her husband's name. Does that her identity get dissolved into her husband's? Back in the day - women were property and the ownership went from the father to the husband. Just like the name does. So sitting there in class I was feeling bugged. Is it acceptable to be a feminist and change my name? Well the deed has been done. But I had to come to terms with it.

This is my conclusion on the matter. I didn't like my previous last name. I like my new last name. Alone, that is enough to change it. However I don't feel that I have now dissolved into my husband's identity. I defiantly have my own identity. I like to do somethings the traditional way, and other things the totally NON-traditional way. This is one of those "traditional" things. I like being Mrs. Lewis.