my feminism

So I'm sitting on the comfy couch in my friend's spa as my mom gets a facial (the best facial in town if anyone is wondering) and I'm pondering the conversation my mom and I had on the car ride up.

I sometimes feel like I'm not sure what my "mission" in life is. I feel like I'm  seeker and there is no end in my journey. I won't necessarily "arrive" and that's ok. I always thought that I everything I did had to have an end. And I realized, there is no end. Everything is eternal and forever.

At the scholarship ceremony the other day I was getting down on myself that I don't have a real vision or drive toward something involving my feminism or "what I want to do". A lot of the women receiving scholarships were working on something specific. One woman's feminism was expressed through poetry, another's through editing a book of women's essay's and art, and another through the military. And I don't really have a direct "avenue" if you will.

As I was driving home by myself that night, I was crying a little. Mostly out of gratitude for the scholarship I had received, that my mom and brother came down for the event, and also, that I didn't have a direct avenue of my feminism.

Now going back to my conversation with my mom, I don't have to have one specific avenue. I'm a dabbler in many avenues. I'm a feminist in my own way, and that doesn't mean I have to be an activist. I make my own impressions and differences in my own way.

I express mine through femininity, sassiness, gentleness and independence. I'm not a protester or a bra burner. The world needs me for who I am.

I have many aspirations and things morph and change. Come and go. But I was reminded that everything I do makes a difference and blesses my own life and others. I often feel like I'm still trying to find myself, and yet I feel like my life will always be a journey of seeking. I'm a seeker of all things good. And I do things my way.

Thanks Mama for reminding me of who I am.
And for always taking care of me.

The speaker at the scholarship event also brought up the word "Womanist" That's a whole other topic for another time. But it's got me thinking. What is the difference between "womanist" and "feminist"?

The Man I'm Married To

I know, I know. I have a lot to update on. But let's be serious, it may not happen until this summer.
We went to Guatemala. Ok really that's the only big thing that's happened in our lives lately, and it was truly amazing. And I'll get to it... But right now I have something else on my mind.

The man I'm married to has an amazing opportunity happening in the next month. He's been offered an internship in Baltimore, MD for the summer. I'm sooo super excited for him. And it happened after stem of unfortunate events and then to end up with this awesome opportunity.
He will be interning for a judge, and that's about all I know.

But this leads me to reflect about things. When he accepted the internship we both said "oh yeah it will be hard to be away from each other but we will make it work. It won't be that big of a deal". But let's get real, it is going to be a big deal. A big deal all around. I would be going out with him but I have to take summer classes in order to graduate on time, and then I get to go visit toward the end of his stay.

Who will push down the blankets when I can't see the tv show? Or who will go change the laundry when I don't want to? And who will scratch my back every night? Or who will kiss my forehead every morning and every night? And who will listen to me while I verbally process my day's events every evening? And who will laugh with me about the crazy things we both experience while we are flossing our teeth? Who will I wait to scare while hiding behind the shower curtain waiting for the water to turn off so I can jump out? And who will do the daily Michael Jackson dance for me?

This is how wonderful he is, and what I'll be missing out on for 2.5 months.

I know, I know. It's not that much time. I don't have a lot to complain about because some people have their parter gone for over a year, and in another country. I feel grateful that I'm not in that situation.

And then I think about the wonderful opportunity he's going to have. And that our relationship doesn't hold the other one back and allows us to reach our full potential.

Our life is only beginning and I'm so excited.
I love my Bman so much and I'm so excited for him. He will just have to endure some late night Skype dates with me possibly falling asleep. Because that's what normally happens during our evening chats now.

Here's to Baltimore!