April 28, 2012

my feminism

So I'm sitting on the comfy couch in my friend's spa as my mom gets a facial (the best facial in town if anyone is wondering) and I'm pondering the conversation my mom and I had on the car ride up.

I sometimes feel like I'm not sure what my "mission" in life is. I feel like I'm  seeker and there is no end in my journey. I won't necessarily "arrive" and that's ok. I always thought that I everything I did had to have an end. And I realized, there is no end. Everything is eternal and forever.

At the scholarship ceremony the other day I was getting down on myself that I don't have a real vision or drive toward something involving my feminism or "what I want to do". A lot of the women receiving scholarships were working on something specific. One woman's feminism was expressed through poetry, another's through editing a book of women's essay's and art, and another through the military. And I don't really have a direct "avenue" if you will.

As I was driving home by myself that night, I was crying a little. Mostly out of gratitude for the scholarship I had received, that my mom and brother came down for the event, and also, that I didn't have a direct avenue of my feminism.

Now going back to my conversation with my mom, I don't have to have one specific avenue. I'm a dabbler in many avenues. I'm a feminist in my own way, and that doesn't mean I have to be an activist. I make my own impressions and differences in my own way.

I express mine through femininity, sassiness, gentleness and independence. I'm not a protester or a bra burner. The world needs me for who I am.

I have many aspirations and things morph and change. Come and go. But I was reminded that everything I do makes a difference and blesses my own life and others. I often feel like I'm still trying to find myself, and yet I feel like my life will always be a journey of seeking. I'm a seeker of all things good. And I do things my way.

Thanks Mama for reminding me of who I am.
And for always taking care of me.

The speaker at the scholarship event also brought up the word "Womanist" That's a whole other topic for another time. But it's got me thinking. What is the difference between "womanist" and "feminist"?