New Year. New Thinking. Fresh start.

Since moving to California I think I have begun to battle with depression of some sort. Don't get me wrong, I love it here! But I'm alone most of the day. I work from home and don't have a lot of human contact. And when B is in school I have LESS human contact....needless to say I am lonely.

I have caught myself saying phrases like "I don't have friends in San Diego." or "I'm lonely" (please see above) and the list of self pity goes on and on. And I am quickly realizing that I am creating this reality with my words (and my actions).

I say I don't have friends and the Universe says "your wish is my command". I say I am lonely and the Universe says "your wish is my command". I am not walking my talk, and I forgot that my thoughts and words create my reality. So I am changing that!

I am reading a book by Pema Chödrön called "Comfortable with Uncertainty". Pema is a buddist nun and this book is based on 108 of her teachings from an interview (or seminar) she gave. She teaches about how you really can't change anything but yourself (duh! but I forget.) And if you take the pain of the world (But I like to think of just taking my own pain) and changing it into compassion for the world then it will make our world a better place. Meaning our reality. We create our reality.

She talks about Bodhichitta which in Sanskrit means "noble or awakened heart" and is equated with our ability to love. And each individual on this planet has this characteristic. I am beginning to understand if I can hold each person I come in contact with in that light, then I will be a happy person. Meaning, if I see everyone for the love that they truly are, it will then make my life more full of love and light.

B and I just watched "What the Bleep do we know". I had heard of it but never have seen it. I loved the way that they portrayed their message. I don't know if you have ever heard of the experiment that a Japanese man did with water. He took microscopic photos of water and for 24 hours put a negative word on the water and then another 24 hours he put a positive word.

Here he put "You make me sick. I want to kill you"

"Thank you"

"Love and Appreciation"

This was obviously an amazing study. What I took from "What the Bleep do we know" was obviously look what negative and positive words can do to water, but what does that mean negative and positive words are doing to me? The human body is 90% water.

I am the creator of my reality and happiness.

After reading this friend's blog, I get that I can't just change my way of thinking overnight, but I can make baby steps. She gave herself the goal of when she catches herself thinking negatively about herself, she then can only think positively about herself for 5 minutes. This is perfect. It's tangible and attainable.

And so it is. I am a good person. And I can be happy.