June 18, 2011

New perspective on my boobs

So I've been overwhelmed with stress lately. I normally handle my busy life pretty well, and I kind of like it that way. But something happened last week that has caused me to be in complete overwhelm. Then a friend came to visit, and he changed my perspective on things.

To make a long story short, I have these cysts. I've known they were there for a few years and never really thought much about it. I was advised by a women's clinic to get them checked out by a specialist and then was accepted into their program for everything to be paid for, so I thought "what the hell" right? I didn't think much about it.

While I was in the waiting room, a girl walked out crying. I knew something bad had just happened. Then during my appointment, the doctor told me she had just diagnosed her with breast cancer. She's 27. I'm 27. She has the same story as me. You know, the story of "oh yeah you have these abnormally large cysts in your breast, but it's not a big deal. come back and we'll ultra sound them. You have nothing to worry about" and BAM! She has breast cancer. Did I mention she's 27?

Get the overwhelm?
But my instincts kept telling me I was fine, it's not anything to be worried about.

The breast specialist, who is awesome! She has this crazy gray curly hair that is all over the place. And she is so sweet and gentle and kept holding my hand. It made me feel safe. I want to be her hippie boob BFF. I think we already are. She told me that we should do a biopsy, and if the women's clinic is going to pay for it, we might as well just take them out. I agreed. "What the hell?" Right?

Ben and I "celebrated" with Spicy Ta-Ta sushi. It was only appropriate with the situation with my spicy ta-tas.

Then they scheduled the surgery. It's on a Monday, the day of a test, I still have 3 more days of school to attend that week, and I'M BEING CUT OPEN!

The overwhelm set in. I just freaked out. Not about the the cysts, but about the surgery. It just was inconvenient. But I could handle it. Again, but instincts told me I was fine. I can take the test the day after {not ideal but manageable} and I can make it happen. I kind of forgot for a minute that I was super woman and could do anything. I had the fear of being cut open, the violation on my body, my femininity, my breasts. They are kind of special to me, ya know?

Then one of my oldest friends came to visit. He just had surgery too. And you know what he said to me that changed it all?? He said "I wasn't nervous anymore once I realized, 'if the doctor screws up, he screws up. There is nothing I can do about it but be positive.' And everything turned out fine."  Well that's logical. My doctor isn't going to screw up. My breast will be fine. My cysts are just happy little cysts that are coming out. I will be fine. I need to stop feeding the situation with negative energy and just be happy about the situation. This is a good thing. I'm getting things taken care of, it's being paid for. And I'm healthy!

New Perspective.
Duh, I'm super woman and my boobs can handle anything. Duh!

Surgery is Monday the 27th in the AM. If ya want to think about my boob during that time, I'd be ok with it.

3 blurbs:

michael morrow said...

you crack me me up jude.....I love you and so do my prayers...

Andrea said...

Super Boobs!!! LOVE IT!

The Lewis Family said...

ha ok, love the last line " if you want to think about my boobs during that time" priceless :D

~C